It's All in the Way You Look at It

We've all heard about how to tell if you are an optimist or pestimist by judging the glass half full or half empty. Well, I used to fall into a third category-- It was always a half a glass. I guess that could be described as complacency. Oh well, this is what life handed me and it's never gonna change. As I've gotten older, I've gotten fiestier. Life doesn't hand me anything. If I want it, I've got to get it myself.

I first realized I possessed this strength when I was diagnosed with a heart condition. I was told I needed a heart transplant. I fought it, I prayed, and I found a new doctor who tried a different medication. Twenty two years later, I'm still here.

When my son was diagnosed with Neuronal Migratory Disorder, that fighting spirit came out again. I was told by an expert in the field to "Take him home and love him because he won't be worth anything." I was also told that I had caused his condition by something I did when I was pregnant. After the initial shock wore off, I did everything I could to help my son. He is walking, attending regular classes, with the exception of reading and math which are modified, and he is one of the coolest kids around. When I took him to a different doctor, he ordered a bunch of tests for D. I will never forget sitting in his office when he looked at the brain scan. He looked at the results, then looked at D. Then, he stared in disbelief at me. "Whatever you are doing with this child keep it up." He said smiling. He showed me the paper with the results on it. It said the patient would most likely live in a vegitative state. I checked the name on the top of the sheet. Yeah, it was my son. His brain was a mess. He should have been in a vegitative state. When I asked him how he was doing as well as he was, he replied, "He's a determined little guy, and he's got an incredible momma." Pretty high praise coming from an actual "Brain Surgeon."

I knew I had the potential for extreme strength, but nothing brought it out more than when two of my kids were diagnosed with RAD. I searched the internet for weeks looking for ways to parent my little ones. I read books, watched videos, and devoured a 10 DVD training session in three days. What I found was, my kids couldn't change (heal, grow, evolve, etc) without me changing (healing, et al) first. I concentrated on myself, not my children. I paid attention to how I responded to their actions. I forced myself to be happy, even when my child was melting into a huge, gooey pile of confusion. I tried to approach everything, and I do mean everything, with a a positive attitude. Sure, a lot of times, I reverted back to the yelling and the punishing, but for the most part, I kept everything upbeat and happy, even goofy. My kids responded. They healed, a lot!! E started doing her homework, and helping out around the house. B struggles with her other diagnoses (Aspergers, OCD, ADHD,) but that is mostly because I have not figured out how to parent her muti-dimentional issues. I'm getting there, but not where I want to be, yet. I use a lot of humor and unexpected responses to "head off" the behaviors. When the three little ones are playing on the floor and they start to fight, I'll throw myself in the middle of everything and sing (very loudly and off-key) "My eyes adored you, la la la la la la la, My eyes adored you." Those are the only words I know, but they are effective. I'm really creative, and I get to use that creativity to parent my kids. I'm actually having a blast. That's not to say that I don't lose it once in a while, I do, but I just mentally imagine myself in a bikini, and I start to laugh. When I do get time to myself, I try to do only things that recharge my spirit and bring me bliss (there's that word again!!) My wardrobe is made up of bliss skirts, yummy shoes, kalidascopic tops, and "squishy comfy" pants. I sing with the window down in my van. Sometimes I choose to use my beautiful voice, and sometimes I don't. Depends on who's listening and what response I want from them. Some nights, I spend hours on the internet looking for great craft blogs and free downloads of my favorite games. I still have a tendency to let myself get run-down, but I just have to make that conscious "switch" to the positive side of my brain, and I can hit the floor running again. My glass is not half empty, half a glass, or even half full. My glass is over flowing because I've found a way to keep filling it up. RAD really does suck, but it has made me a more heavenly person, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

It's Better and It's Not-- Welcome to RAD Parenting 101

I really thought things were getting better with my husband. He was starting to control his anger and the swearing. For some reason, he cannot control the "nit-picking." I didn't stack the dishes right for him to do dishes tonight. He thought that E should be able to do two days of dishes by herself and get a shower in half an hour. He knows that she hates doing dishes more than pretty much anything, so that is the job he chooses for her when he wants to make her mad. I don't understand the deliberately ticking someone off tactic. He also likes to set her up to fail. I like bliss. There's a new bridal shop in a nearby town called Bliss, and I sooo want to steal the sign. The fact that it is less than a mile from the Highway Patrol office might be a huge deturrant, along with the fact that I actually have an over-active concience. My goal is to defuse any potential explosion with the least amount of spark while still maintaining a backbone. I don't give in to avoid conflict. I redirect, I joke, I speak with compassion without folding, I pick my nose (that one gets them almost everytime, LOL) I am blessed with a very creative personality. I can defuse E almost 95% of the time, if my husband doesn't jump in and try to control the situation. She tells me she loves me all the time, and I am starting to think she understands what she is saying. She is making so much progress when I am doing the parenting. When my husband steps in, she reverts back to ground zero. She hates herself when she does that, but he pushes her buttons as much as she pushes his. It's a power struggle and a lose/ lose situation. I've used my complete theraputic partenting arsenal on my husband, but it does not work. He believes that punishment and ridicule is the only way to parent. I have total faith that my expert parenting technique (okay- my stubborness) will win out with him in the end, and we will be able to parent our cherubim to a life of love and acceptance. I'm just getting tired, and really question if 23 years of sobriety is enough!! Getting really excited about going back to school. There's so much potential in this area for attachment disorder services. I don't feel I'll ever be an expert, but I don't want any parent to go through what I did when my kids were first diagnosed. No parent should have to diagnose their own children and fight with social services and the school system to prove there is something wrong with the way they are dealing with this child. It's so lonely parenting attachment disorder anyway. There needs to be someone in there corner from the beginning. My husband's surgery is rescheduled for the 7th. He started getting more cars to work on so we could get a little more income, and now he will have to turn them down so he can have the surgery. It's a good thing that his diabetes is under control, but we needed a little more time to get some money coming in so we won't fall behind. I know we'll be okay. Just need more hard work and prayer! A very dear friend of mine passed away last week. I did not find out until the day after the funeral. It has been very difficult for me, because she was so special and I could not be there in the end. I know she understands, I'm just having a hard time forgiving myself. Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire. This post sure makes me sound like a martyer (I'll spell it right later.) I have that tendency anyway. I have a genetic predisposition to it, thanks to my mother. I once joked to her that all of the women in her family thought they were martyers. She just smiled and said, "We don't think we are. We know." Gotta love that. I'm not looking for someone to tell me what an incredible job I am doing. I'm trying to convince myself that it's okay to feel that I'm doing a good job. I can do this! My family is worth it, and so am I.