Bliss

I love Bliss. I always have. As long as I can remember, I've been the peace-keeper in the family. I don't like confrontation, and I can't stand it if someone does not like me. I love peace and tranquility. I know, with a family of 7, I don't get to experience it often. That's not to say that I don't enjoy laughing myself silly, squealing like a toddler, the total giddiness, and complete, chaotic joy that usually happens daily in my life. I'm a nutball and I'm proud of it!! I do cherish the "eating chocolate in the hottub" feeling that comes with a clean and orderly house, naptime, watching a great movie with the ones you love, and of course, eating chocolate in the hottub. I have never understood the people whose favorite hobbies are metteling, snooping, belittling, and for lack of a better word, over-all bitchiness. For the life of me, I cannot understand seeking negative attention.

Children with RAD (and several of my former co-workers) thrive on negative attention. If they aren't complaining, controlling, bossing, or whining, they don't know what to do with themselves. I understand that most of their short lives, they have always felt so bad about themselves, that feeling good feels bad. They are actually uncomfortable if they are comfortable. I used to work at an incredible facility for the mentally ill. They had many clients with Borderline Personality Disorder. Most of them were self-injurers. They couldn't handle the happy feelings, so they cut themselves to bring back the familiarness of being in pain. My kids do not self-injure (except for picking scabs.) They do, however, pick fights and backtalk just to get a reaction. Ignoring them is the worst thing you could do, according to my oldest daughter. "I did all of these bad things and you wouldn't even talk to me. I didn't get anything out of it. It wasn't worth it." I just smiled and thought that I wasn't as dumb as she thought I was. In a sadistic way, that's also bliss for me. I may not understand the need for negative attention, but I am learning how to turn it into a positive experience. My kids are not quite ready for the incrediblness that is "bliss," but they are growing and healing. It's just around the corner. I can't wait to take all five of them into the hottub and split a giant Hershey bar. Now, that's pure BLISS!!