Doubts

One of the most important things a parent can instill in their children is self-esteem. I compliment my kids constantly. They have so many "issues" that plague them daily, but an encouraging hug, helpful hint, or loving smile seems to help them over the lumps and bumps they encounter. I am trying so hard to make sure everything that comes out of my mouth is positive. I'm even working on my body language and hand gestures. I want my children to know they are incredible. They still have doubts, but each time they are told how special they are or how much their efforts are appreciated, their doubts fade a little bit more. Sometimes they cannot accept a compliment. Their behavior increases after they are told they did something well or worked very hard, because they are not used to feeling good about themselves. This is a feeling I know all too well.

I had a very loving, generous mother. She showed us constantly that she loved us, but she never said it. We very seldom got compliments. My father's way of giving a compliment always had a condition with it. "You did really good on that assignment, but you missed one. You need to try harder." I won 6th place in the world on my horse when I was 15, but my dad's comment was "You did a good job, but you were tied for 3rd going into the finals." He told everyone else how proud he was, he even went to the women's department of JC Penney's to buy me a long dress for the banquet, but all I could remember was, "You were tied for 3rd going into the finals." I always look for the hidden negative behind every compliment. I was one of only 3 freshmen in high school to make it into swing choir. I was on a music scholarship to a junior college, yet I still wonder if I really have a good voice. I hear it all the time, but as I watch American Idol, I wonder if I would have been (in my younger years) an AI hopeful or hopeless.

I love writing. I have gotten several awards for short stories and poems. I have several ideas for novels in my mind, and have even started putting some of them down on the computer. Then I read a book by James Patterson or Jodi Piccoult, and I put my author dreams back on the shelf.

I love to craft. I am at my creative peak when I am in the basement working at my craft bench, listening to Hair Nation (yes, I'm a hair band freak,) and painting an ordinary object into a fun and funky holiday decoration. I have done several craft shows and earned over my expectations at all of them. Yet, it still consider myself inferior to the others who are at the same shows.

How can I expect my children to believe my compliments when I can take them from others, or them? I want my kids to know they are incredible beyond belief, because they are. Maybe, just maybe, it's time for me to start believing that there is no hidden message in the compliments I receive. I need to take them as they are given and show my kids that I can believe in myself, too. Lead by example! For their sake!!