I Am Me, and I Am Good 'cuz God Don't Make Junk!

Controlled Chaos: Living life one day at a time with a disabled husband, five special needs kids, 2 crazy cats, and one neurotic dog.

Monday, May 31, 2010

"Cuz Ya Had a RAD Day"

Three day weekends are horrible in this house. We're still in the early stages of healing, and my patience is not what it used to be. I do not look forward to summer vacation! Most of my frustration is because I get no breaks from the kids during the day. They are experts at wearing me down. By bedtime, I'm at wit's end, the kids are out of control, the house is a mess, and my husband can't understand why I'm so worn out because I didn't do anything all day. I had thoughts of impaling myself on a claw hammer, but I'd be the one who had to clean up the blood.

Unfortunately, this was the weekend for projects that couldn't wait. Several years ago, we had a squirrel living in our attic (and I thought it was bats in my belfry!!) He chewed through all of the wires for the upstairs rooms. We had to have that fixed before they can insulate the attic. They gave us a week to get it done or no insulation. We also needed our front door replaced, and yesterday was the only day our "expert" had free. We got a hottub for labor on a brake job my husband did, so of course, we had to set that up. The lawn had to be mowed and the usual jobs needed to be completed. There goes family time.

Today, I asked the kids what they wanted to do this summer. They had some great ideas. Along with the usual swimming and picnics, the suggested crafting, reading a big book (Chronicals of Narnia) together, Princess in the Park Day, Pizza Parties, Laff-o-lympics, ballgames, fishing, and lots of other ideas. Wednesdays have been designated "Family Day." No chores, with the exception of cooking and dishes. We do only family friendly activites, and Dad joins us when he gets home from work. We've got the ideas. Now for the follow-through.

The mouthing off has gotten better for our oldest daughter, but the next one has picked it up with a vengence. Her favorite is, "I'm not talking to you." Whoa, there's a button to push!! It's all I can do not to slap her fresh, little mouth. Forget counting to ten. I'm pushing 1000 before I calm down. Of course, there's always another behavior accompanying this, like sticking her tongue out, bobbing the head in a "I am in charge" kinda way, or my personal favorite, shoving the person she IS taking to out of the room so she can control them in private. Did I mention, this child is five? Then there's the wetting of the pants whenever she is mad. She also taught this one to her younger sister, who had 4 outfit changes today. They get to clean their own mess up, but when they're 5 and 3, I might as well do it myself. And the biggest "button" of all, her favorite word is "retard." Since we have a child with disabilities, this is an especially sore subject with my husband and me. I have chosen to ignore it, but my husband has chosen a more "vocal" approach. She loves the attention and it has gotten worse. All five, (six if you count my husband) of the kids were seeking their "mommy time" this weekend. Guess I just need to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start anew tomorrow. It's time for some chocolate in the hottub!!!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Put those down. You'll poke an eye out!!

At my family reunion last summer, I was loading up the car to leave early because two of my five children were throwing up. My mom looked at me and said, "Well you chose this." I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said, "No, it chose me." My mom was not being callous or unfeeling. I had always dreamed of a big family, jut not all at once.

Four of my five children are adopted, a sibling group we had fostered and eventually adopted. Two of the kids had been placed with us, and two more were placed in a sparate foster home. My husband and I were very adament that families should be kept together as much as possible, so we fought to get them all placed with us. We were told that they would eventually go home, the goal in EVERY foster situation. so we figured we could atleast keep them together until that happened. It never happened. May 19th, 2009, we adopted three girls and a boy, ages 9, 4, 3, and 2. Now, keep in mind that I was 46 at the time. Yes-- I am nuts!! Our biological son was 11, and has cerebral palsy. No, I do not have a job outside the home.

We have been having unbelievable problems with our girls, the two oldest in particular. Lying, stealing, not doing homework, hoarding food, spitting, picking scabs until they bleed and picking some more, destruction of toys and books, deliberate defiance, disrespect, tantrums lasting for hours with no reprive, lying, bossiness, control issues, manipulation, and did I mention LYING? These kids do not have a conscience. Our bio son is respectful, trustworthy, loving, considerate, and responsible, dispite his disabilities. We were at a total loss. They had it so good with us compared to their birth mom. Why couldn't they see how lucky they were?

Finally, a friend suggested I look up RAD. All three of my girls have it to different degrees. We didn't need to "lable" them. We just wanted to know how to parent them. There wasn't a lot out there. Our daughter's counselor was even at a loss. I knew of another friend whose son was diagnosed with RAD, so I called her. Jackpot!! She had a program from Nancy Thomas entitled, "When Love is not Enough." It spoke to my heart, It was practical, creative, humor-filled, and christian based. Not all of it is appropriate for my kids. She had fostered the severely affected children, many who have killed. My kids are not even close to that, thank God for huge favors!!We have been using the program for over a month and have seen a huge improvement.

My goal for this blog is to document our journey of healing our family, share first-hand experience of living with RAD, and have a lot of fun along the way. I will include updates on our progress (and setbacks,) craft ideas (a huge part of the healing process,) witticisms from living in a family of seven, survival hints, and R, R, and R for a RAD Mom, 'cuz mom's gotta be rested, relaxed and revived. Since I have adult ADD, I find it easier if I set a schedule to go by. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I will write about our progress as a RAD family. Tuesday will be crafts, Thursday will be survival hints, Saturday is RR&R, and Sunday is recipes and witticisms. I won't blog everyday, but when I do sit down to write, I'll know what to talk about.

I had originally named this "Ramblings of a RAD mom," but I think "Running with Scissors" is more appropriate. Not sure where we're going, but it's gonna be a heck of a ride!!