Awhile ago, I read a list of 100 things about sombody on their blog. I can't even remember who's blog it was, but I thought the list was pretty cool, so I decided to write my own. This is more for me than anyone else. I'm curious to see if I can come up with 100 interesting things about myself. The challenge is on!!
1. My given name is Celeste.
2. I was named by two nuns.
3. I have been married for 14 years.
4. I live in Iowa.
5. I have lived in New York
6. and West Virginia
7. and Illinois
8. My parents live in Texas.
9. They moved there after living in Iowa for 70 years.
10. I am not happy about this!
11. I have 5 kids
12. All of them have special needs.
13. D is 13 and has Neuronal Migratory Disorder.
14. E is 10 and has Reactive Attachment Disorder.
15. B is 5 and has RAD and probable Asperger's Syndrome.
16. C is 4 and has Avoidance Attachment Disorder.
17. A will be 4 in 3 days, and has AAD also.
18. The younget 4 kids are an adopted sibling group.
19. I used to ride horses, and was pretty good at it.
20. I won 6th place at the World Junior Quarter Horse Finals in Cutting when I was 15.
21. I love animals
22. Especially cats.
23. I could easily become a "cat lady" when I get older.
24. I love my singing voice.
25. I am song leader (cantor) at our church.
26. I help teach religious ed. on Wednesday nights.
27. I was raised and still am Catholic.
28. I love Chirstmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
29. I have 2 sisters
30. And 3 brothers
31. I love to craft.
32. I love to read.
33. I have read Les Miserables cover to cover
34. And it is one of my favorite books.
35. I also love The Shack, To Kill a Mockingbird, and The Bible.
36. I love to write.
37. I am writing a book.
38. It is chirstian-based.
39. I love chocolate
40. and ice cream
41. in the hot tub.
42. I love snow.
43. I love my husband.
44. Sometimes, I like him, too, LOL!
45. He is a mechanic.
46. I would love to go back to school
47. to be a physician's assistant
48. or a RAD specialist.
49. I hate doing laundry.
50. I love movies,
51. especially Christmas ones,
52. kids' movies,
53. and "chick flicks."
54. I love to sing heavy metal songs
55. with an opra melody
56. in Walmart
57. because it drives my kids crazy.
58. I totaly believe embarassing your kids is the biggest perk of being a parent!
59. I can't spell.
60. I am not a morning person.
61. I like to mow lawn.
62. I love hockey.
63. I used to work for a hockey team.
64. It was my favorite job.
68. I also worked at a care center in activities.
69. I loved that job, too.
70. The super power I would love to have is the ability to stop time.
71. I like to take naps.
72. I don't get to do it very often.
73. I have been to 29 states.
74. I would like to visit Oregon.
75. Alaska.
76. and Washington,
77. but not Hawaii.
78. I would love to go to Austraila.
79. I would love to lose enough weight to look great in a little black dress
80. and a hot pair of black boots.
81. I love to smile.
82. My favorite color is black.
83. I think snakes are cool.
84. I rescue bugs by putting them outside.
85. I don't watch tv.
86. My heros are Martin Luther King, Jr.
87. and Helen Keller.
88. I like cappuchino.
89. My biggest fear is losing a child.
90. I drive a van,
91. and I like it!
92. I have never dyed my hair.
93. I wish I could play the harp.
94. I have throughly enjoyed my 40s.
95. I do not worry about turning 50.
96. I wish someone would invent a self-cleaning house.
97. I love the smell of fresh, mown hay.
98. I want to buy a farm,
99. and have lots of farm cats.
100. I think life is great!!!!!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Blessed With a Migraine
Last Tuesday, I attended another training on attachment disorders. It was a former therapist of E's (former only because she was an hour drive away.) She uses the Nurtured Heart approach. I knew quite a bit about the technique, but I really needed a refresher. We couldn't find a monster-sitter, so I went alone, which was really kind of nice for a change. There were two other presenters, and together there was a wealth of knowledge. They had some wonderful ideas, and were so supportive of everyone there. I left the meeting feeling recharged and re-energized.
The next morning, I woke up in a great mood (a rare occasion, unfortunately,) and the kids picked up on my "happy energy." We had a really good day. We had religious education that night, and I could feel a headache coming on. I took some headache medicine and went to class. I started feeling sick to my stomach and light-headed. I shrugged it off, got the kids ready for bed, and played on the computer for a short while. I still couldn't shake the headache, so I took some more medicine and went to bed. By 3:00 a.m., my head was pounding. I rolled out of bed and litterally crawled to the bathroom to vomit. I made it down the steps and decided to take a bath. I never knew water could be so loud. I hadn't had a migraine since I was pregnant 13 years ago, so it took a while for it to register that was what was happening. I got into the tub and immersed my head to try to ease the pain. I laid in the water, begging God to ease the pain. I saw a flash of light, but it was a very good light, calming and gentle. I felt an unexplainable need to crawl in bed with E and hold her. Then a thought came to me. This is how she feels. She is in such emotional pain, and all she wants is for it to stop. We want her to be healed and do everything the way we expect. We need to open our hearts to fully love her without expectations. Love her where she is at and nurture her to where we know she can be. I laid in the bathtub sobbing, sobbing for the uncaring mother I had been, sobbing for my beautiful, hurting daughter, sobbing at the wonders God had revealed to me, sobbing because the water was getting cold. I got myself together and dried my hair. I finally realized my headache was gone. I resisted the urge to lay down beside E, and crawed back in my bed, excited about what lie ahead for all of us.
In the morning, my headache was back, but I still felt the warmth and comfort from my hour in the tub. I gathered E in my arms and told her what had happened. She wept openly. She never cries unless she is mad. She melted into my arms and cried over and over, "I love you so much, Mom." Of course, I was bawling and blubbering, "I love you, too." It was such an "Oprah" moment. My relationship with all of my kids has improved so much in just these four days. The three youngest are testing my new-found patience and understanding, but I'm doing pretty good. I relapse some in the late afternoon, but I realize, I can't change 47 years of habit in four days. Some change is better than none, and if I do better today than I did yesterday, I've reached my goal. I have grown so much as a parent since we fostered these four kids, but it took a migraine to open my eyes to THEIR pain and make me really understand how to open my heart completely to them. We're gonna make it!! Hopefully, I won't need another migraine to show me the way!
The next morning, I woke up in a great mood (a rare occasion, unfortunately,) and the kids picked up on my "happy energy." We had a really good day. We had religious education that night, and I could feel a headache coming on. I took some headache medicine and went to class. I started feeling sick to my stomach and light-headed. I shrugged it off, got the kids ready for bed, and played on the computer for a short while. I still couldn't shake the headache, so I took some more medicine and went to bed. By 3:00 a.m., my head was pounding. I rolled out of bed and litterally crawled to the bathroom to vomit. I made it down the steps and decided to take a bath. I never knew water could be so loud. I hadn't had a migraine since I was pregnant 13 years ago, so it took a while for it to register that was what was happening. I got into the tub and immersed my head to try to ease the pain. I laid in the water, begging God to ease the pain. I saw a flash of light, but it was a very good light, calming and gentle. I felt an unexplainable need to crawl in bed with E and hold her. Then a thought came to me. This is how she feels. She is in such emotional pain, and all she wants is for it to stop. We want her to be healed and do everything the way we expect. We need to open our hearts to fully love her without expectations. Love her where she is at and nurture her to where we know she can be. I laid in the bathtub sobbing, sobbing for the uncaring mother I had been, sobbing for my beautiful, hurting daughter, sobbing at the wonders God had revealed to me, sobbing because the water was getting cold. I got myself together and dried my hair. I finally realized my headache was gone. I resisted the urge to lay down beside E, and crawed back in my bed, excited about what lie ahead for all of us.
In the morning, my headache was back, but I still felt the warmth and comfort from my hour in the tub. I gathered E in my arms and told her what had happened. She wept openly. She never cries unless she is mad. She melted into my arms and cried over and over, "I love you so much, Mom." Of course, I was bawling and blubbering, "I love you, too." It was such an "Oprah" moment. My relationship with all of my kids has improved so much in just these four days. The three youngest are testing my new-found patience and understanding, but I'm doing pretty good. I relapse some in the late afternoon, but I realize, I can't change 47 years of habit in four days. Some change is better than none, and if I do better today than I did yesterday, I've reached my goal. I have grown so much as a parent since we fostered these four kids, but it took a migraine to open my eyes to THEIR pain and make me really understand how to open my heart completely to them. We're gonna make it!! Hopefully, I won't need another migraine to show me the way!
Monday, November 15, 2010
My Stewardship Article
I'm on the stewardship committee at church, and I was asked to write an article for our newsletter. I picked December. It sounded easier than it was. I think the end result was kind of fun, so I thought I would post it here.
I have to be honest, when I volunteered to write a stewardship article for the newsletter, I chose December because I thought it would be easy. All that Christmas love and giving, there had to be a message in all of that. I had a few months ot think about it before I actually had to put pen to paper (okay-- fingers to keyboard.) I love Christmas. This was going to be a snap.
I did put a lot of thought into what I wanted to say. I knew if I wanted it to be brilliant, I'd have to get a ghostwriter, so I would have to settle for "fun and festive" Sami style. It needed pizzaz and a sprinkling of humor. I knew how to write it, I just had no idea what to write about.
Stewardship in December should be a no-brainer (which is probably why I was having trouble with it!!) Everyone gives more of their time, talent, and treasure at this most blessed time of year. It seemed silly to me to talk about giving, when it seems like that's all we're doing right now. I prayed that God could show me how to give even more of myself and inspire other to do the same. I've got five kids, stacks of laundry, loads of dishes, floors to sweep, bills to pay, gifts to buy, cards to send (whoops, I need to write them first!) decorations to put up, choir practice, Christmas parties, Christmas concerts, goodies to bake, carols to sing, egg nog to drink, and those are just the highlights. To say my plate is full is an understatement. My plate is the size of Alaska and I need sideboards (yes, I've already used that in another blog entry, but the people at church don't know that, shhhh!) And you want me to add stewardship on top of all of that? This was going to be harder than I thought. I figured I needed another piece of chocolate and some caffine to figure out what I really wanted to say.
So I grabbed a piece of sponge toffee, a Dr. Pepper, and my Christmas CDs. The 3 c's, calories, caffine, and carols, a triple threat when I'm trying to be inspired. I put New Song into my CD player. Their song "The Christmas Shoes" always makes me cry. My daughter and I were doing dishes and takling about the music. I had mentioned that I liked the next song, so she turned it up. It's a beautiful song about an old woman who lost her husband. No one visits or calls any more. The little boy from down the street knocks on her door. He had picked some flowers for her, and asks if he can sit and talk for a while. I had played this song a hundred times, but this time I really listened to the bridge and chours:
"It only takes a little time
To show someone you really care.
It only takes a little time
To answer somones's biggest prayer."
"Light your world.
Let the love of God shine through
In the little things you do.
Light your world.
And though your light may be
Reaching only two or three
Light your world."
Thank you God. You lead me where I needed to go. The three c's worked. Okay, the carols worked. The calories and caffine were just a bonus. I don't need to give big things. I just need to give in a big way. I can light my world. Even one candle can light up the darkest corner. We all posess that special gift. Light your world and pass it on.
I said a prayer of thanks to the One who lights our world, did a happy dance, which of course made my daughter cringe and thank God that her friends were not here to see this, and I listened to the song again. Stewardship is giving that "spark" of hope and love to someone else. It's not always what we give, but how we give it. Give with an open heart and it will always be an answer to a prayer. I smiled and finished up the dishes. One less thing I had to do. Now I had time to light a candle or two.
I have to be honest, when I volunteered to write a stewardship article for the newsletter, I chose December because I thought it would be easy. All that Christmas love and giving, there had to be a message in all of that. I had a few months ot think about it before I actually had to put pen to paper (okay-- fingers to keyboard.) I love Christmas. This was going to be a snap.
I did put a lot of thought into what I wanted to say. I knew if I wanted it to be brilliant, I'd have to get a ghostwriter, so I would have to settle for "fun and festive" Sami style. It needed pizzaz and a sprinkling of humor. I knew how to write it, I just had no idea what to write about.
Stewardship in December should be a no-brainer (which is probably why I was having trouble with it!!) Everyone gives more of their time, talent, and treasure at this most blessed time of year. It seemed silly to me to talk about giving, when it seems like that's all we're doing right now. I prayed that God could show me how to give even more of myself and inspire other to do the same. I've got five kids, stacks of laundry, loads of dishes, floors to sweep, bills to pay, gifts to buy, cards to send (whoops, I need to write them first!) decorations to put up, choir practice, Christmas parties, Christmas concerts, goodies to bake, carols to sing, egg nog to drink, and those are just the highlights. To say my plate is full is an understatement. My plate is the size of Alaska and I need sideboards (yes, I've already used that in another blog entry, but the people at church don't know that, shhhh!) And you want me to add stewardship on top of all of that? This was going to be harder than I thought. I figured I needed another piece of chocolate and some caffine to figure out what I really wanted to say.
So I grabbed a piece of sponge toffee, a Dr. Pepper, and my Christmas CDs. The 3 c's, calories, caffine, and carols, a triple threat when I'm trying to be inspired. I put New Song into my CD player. Their song "The Christmas Shoes" always makes me cry. My daughter and I were doing dishes and takling about the music. I had mentioned that I liked the next song, so she turned it up. It's a beautiful song about an old woman who lost her husband. No one visits or calls any more. The little boy from down the street knocks on her door. He had picked some flowers for her, and asks if he can sit and talk for a while. I had played this song a hundred times, but this time I really listened to the bridge and chours:
"It only takes a little time
To show someone you really care.
It only takes a little time
To answer somones's biggest prayer."
"Light your world.
Let the love of God shine through
In the little things you do.
Light your world.
And though your light may be
Reaching only two or three
Light your world."
Thank you God. You lead me where I needed to go. The three c's worked. Okay, the carols worked. The calories and caffine were just a bonus. I don't need to give big things. I just need to give in a big way. I can light my world. Even one candle can light up the darkest corner. We all posess that special gift. Light your world and pass it on.
I said a prayer of thanks to the One who lights our world, did a happy dance, which of course made my daughter cringe and thank God that her friends were not here to see this, and I listened to the song again. Stewardship is giving that "spark" of hope and love to someone else. It's not always what we give, but how we give it. Give with an open heart and it will always be an answer to a prayer. I smiled and finished up the dishes. One less thing I had to do. Now I had time to light a candle or two.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
God keeps Moving the Line
Everyone always says, "God never gives you more than you can handle." If this is true, he just keeps moving the line. Just when I think I've had too much, he hands me something more. I've got three appointments this week, I volunteered to help out at the preschool, have to write an article for the church newletter, still need to take down Halloween decorations and put up the Thanksgiving ones, make six phone calls, fill out numerous amounts of paperwork, and shampoo the carpets because we've got bedbugs (I know I keep bringing it up, but I can't believe how HORRIBLE they are!!) Mix all of that with five special needs kids, a neighbor who needs rides because she can't drive, a husband who has six vehicles to fix (when he's not starting them on fire, LOL,) and a 47 year old body that's just plain worn out, and I'd say I have more than I can handle. BUT since God knows my limits and I obviously don't, I need to take a deep breath and say, "Guide me through it, Lord." I could add a ton more to the list, but that would just be discouraging, so rather than whine and complain (okay, whine and complain more than I am,) I'm going to make a list of my blessings. Be forwarned, it will be long and wordy, and probably pretty twisted in spots, but hey, those are just a few of my blessings!
I am so blessed by God. I do not know what I would do if I did not believe in Him. Life would have no meaning. My faith in God must be first in my life, and everything else will just fall into place, according to his plan, not mine!
I am blessed with a wonderful husband who annoys the heck out of me sometimes. I have never doubted our love for each other, and that is something special to have. We've had some really hard times, but most of those have made us stronger. We enjoy each other more with each passing day, and are even working toward regaining that "spark" we used to have-- just as long as there are no gas cans nearby (you knew I couldn't pass that one up!)
Our Darling D. He has a smile that lights up the world and a laugh that is so contageous that you can't help but fall in love with him. He's a sport fanatic. He's never been bored. He has a soft heart. He loves to help out when he can. He tries so hard in school and in whatever he sets out to accomplish. He still loves to cuddle. He loves his school. He has an incredible imagination. He's so optimistic. He loves unconditonally and expects everyone else to do the same.
Our beautiful, talented E. She has that crooked, little smile that makes me laugh. She is starting to discover her creativity and flair for the dramatic. She is just starting the trumpet, and is doing amazingly well. She's great at math, and her schoolwork in coming along better than we had expected. She can dance. We are getting glimpses of the "real" E, and we are liking what we see. She is curious about what is wrong and right, asking for advice rather than giving me her opinions. She's becoming aware of others' feelings and is starting to care if she hurts someone. She likes church and is learning as much as she can about God. She has the cutest freckles and some funky, curly hair. She's starting to give real hugs, and actually wanting them in return. She has healed so much since last Spring. Her potential is huge.
Sweet, fragile B. She has so many issues that it's easy to overlook her shining moments. She is gentle, especially with animals. She can be caring and show love. She is smart and loves learning. She comes up with the most amazing answers to questions. She loves to laugh, run, swim, squeal, and sing. When she is excited, her whole body tells you. She remembers names and faces. She sees details most others overlook. She has the most beautiful hair and a sweet, little smile. She loves to be around people. Her enthusiasm is contagious. She sees a lot of good in the world.
Laid back C. He loves to help, and will work until the job is finished. He loves to build anything, but his favorite thing is to build bridges with his sandwiches (I know-- don't play with your food, but it's so cute!) He can be so caring and loving, especially with me. He likes being around kids at school, but also loves being home with his family. He likes to go to church. He wants to be a tinkerbelle and work at Casey's when he grows up. He loves to make up stories-- sometimes in a good way. He has an eye for cool cars and cute girls (dad is so proud!!) He is very good about thanking people and is usually quite polite.
Our little firecracker, A. She has the lethal combination of blonde hair and brown eyes. She's very independent. She is creative and very smart, it just has to be on her terms. She loves to be the center of attention. She likes to make things for others. She is probably the most "settled" of the youngest four. She loves to shake her booty. She is quick-witted, and loves to be tickled. She is determined and succeeds at most anything she attempts. She is loving and usually cares about others' feelings.
Other things I am blessed with, in no particular order:
chocolate, my kitties, Blue and Vinnie, my fish, my creativity, my singing voice, great taste in music, great parents and in-laws, incredible grandparents for my kids, my church community, my quiet, little town, our farm, clothes that fit, a van that runs, the bestest sisters and brothers anyone could have, love and appreciation of horses, some knowledge of farming, potpouri, Iowa sweet corn, snow, my computer, my small but special group of friends, a very close family, a twisted sense of humor, a second clothes dryer, paint pens, a glue gun, a love of nature, an appreciation for a job well done, a hot tub and swimming pool, great neighbors, good schools, relatively good health, patience, some cooking skills, family traditions, wisdom with age, Christmas decorations, an interesting writing style, a soon to be bedbug free house, a love of reading, wonderful memories, MY fireplace and MY piano, angels everywhere, a fuzzy winter coat, my driver's license, hockey, the ability to think outside the box, and the knowlege that near perfection can always be improved upon. I'm sure I've left some things out. Notice it says great memories, not a great memory. Just writing this, I feel more energized and renewed. I am so blessed. God, you just keep on moving that line, and I just keep collecting the blessings along the way. With You, I can handle anything!
I am so blessed by God. I do not know what I would do if I did not believe in Him. Life would have no meaning. My faith in God must be first in my life, and everything else will just fall into place, according to his plan, not mine!
I am blessed with a wonderful husband who annoys the heck out of me sometimes. I have never doubted our love for each other, and that is something special to have. We've had some really hard times, but most of those have made us stronger. We enjoy each other more with each passing day, and are even working toward regaining that "spark" we used to have-- just as long as there are no gas cans nearby (you knew I couldn't pass that one up!)
Our Darling D. He has a smile that lights up the world and a laugh that is so contageous that you can't help but fall in love with him. He's a sport fanatic. He's never been bored. He has a soft heart. He loves to help out when he can. He tries so hard in school and in whatever he sets out to accomplish. He still loves to cuddle. He loves his school. He has an incredible imagination. He's so optimistic. He loves unconditonally and expects everyone else to do the same.
Our beautiful, talented E. She has that crooked, little smile that makes me laugh. She is starting to discover her creativity and flair for the dramatic. She is just starting the trumpet, and is doing amazingly well. She's great at math, and her schoolwork in coming along better than we had expected. She can dance. We are getting glimpses of the "real" E, and we are liking what we see. She is curious about what is wrong and right, asking for advice rather than giving me her opinions. She's becoming aware of others' feelings and is starting to care if she hurts someone. She likes church and is learning as much as she can about God. She has the cutest freckles and some funky, curly hair. She's starting to give real hugs, and actually wanting them in return. She has healed so much since last Spring. Her potential is huge.
Sweet, fragile B. She has so many issues that it's easy to overlook her shining moments. She is gentle, especially with animals. She can be caring and show love. She is smart and loves learning. She comes up with the most amazing answers to questions. She loves to laugh, run, swim, squeal, and sing. When she is excited, her whole body tells you. She remembers names and faces. She sees details most others overlook. She has the most beautiful hair and a sweet, little smile. She loves to be around people. Her enthusiasm is contagious. She sees a lot of good in the world.
Laid back C. He loves to help, and will work until the job is finished. He loves to build anything, but his favorite thing is to build bridges with his sandwiches (I know-- don't play with your food, but it's so cute!) He can be so caring and loving, especially with me. He likes being around kids at school, but also loves being home with his family. He likes to go to church. He wants to be a tinkerbelle and work at Casey's when he grows up. He loves to make up stories-- sometimes in a good way. He has an eye for cool cars and cute girls (dad is so proud!!) He is very good about thanking people and is usually quite polite.
Our little firecracker, A. She has the lethal combination of blonde hair and brown eyes. She's very independent. She is creative and very smart, it just has to be on her terms. She loves to be the center of attention. She likes to make things for others. She is probably the most "settled" of the youngest four. She loves to shake her booty. She is quick-witted, and loves to be tickled. She is determined and succeeds at most anything she attempts. She is loving and usually cares about others' feelings.
Other things I am blessed with, in no particular order:
chocolate, my kitties, Blue and Vinnie, my fish, my creativity, my singing voice, great taste in music, great parents and in-laws, incredible grandparents for my kids, my church community, my quiet, little town, our farm, clothes that fit, a van that runs, the bestest sisters and brothers anyone could have, love and appreciation of horses, some knowledge of farming, potpouri, Iowa sweet corn, snow, my computer, my small but special group of friends, a very close family, a twisted sense of humor, a second clothes dryer, paint pens, a glue gun, a love of nature, an appreciation for a job well done, a hot tub and swimming pool, great neighbors, good schools, relatively good health, patience, some cooking skills, family traditions, wisdom with age, Christmas decorations, an interesting writing style, a soon to be bedbug free house, a love of reading, wonderful memories, MY fireplace and MY piano, angels everywhere, a fuzzy winter coat, my driver's license, hockey, the ability to think outside the box, and the knowlege that near perfection can always be improved upon. I'm sure I've left some things out. Notice it says great memories, not a great memory. Just writing this, I feel more energized and renewed. I am so blessed. God, you just keep on moving that line, and I just keep collecting the blessings along the way. With You, I can handle anything!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
A Letter to Daniel
When my husband and I first became foster parents, we had a placement of two brothers, ages 7 and 5. They were so beautiful, and so damaged. The horror they went through with their birth family was unbelievable. Thinking about it now, I just want to bawl. We were only able to care for these boys for six months before they became violent and started to hurt our bio son. It broke my heart to have to give them up, but I knew that I was not equiped to take care of them. A few placements after our home, the youngest boy was adopted, but the oldest went on to atleast 2 more homes and is up for adoption again. I have prayed for these two boys every night since they were placed in our home. We had planned to adopt them and I still love them very much. DHS, in all of their wisdom, will not let us have contact with them. I realize the youngest boy has a family and is settled in with them, but the oldest boy has nothing to keep his hopes alive. I know he will never see this, but I felt I needed to write him a letter telling him I never stopped loving him and to never give up.
Dearest Daniel,
I just wanted to write a letter to you to tell you I think about you every day. Even though you could not live with us anymore, I have never stopped loving you. You came into our home on July 19th, 2006, and you have lived in my heart ever since. I wish that I had known how to be the parent you needed when you lived with us. You have gone through so much in your short life, and you deserve the best. I pray nightly that a loving family with the know-how to help you will soon come into your life. You have so many talents and so much potential, I know you can be spectacular with the right people behind you. Please remember that you are loved, and that you are a very special person. God loves you so much, and so do I. Even though your life may be tough, and things might not always work out the way you want, you have touched many lives, and we all want you to succeed. Smile, sweet Daniel, and never lose hope.
With so much love,
Mom of 5
Dearest Daniel,
I just wanted to write a letter to you to tell you I think about you every day. Even though you could not live with us anymore, I have never stopped loving you. You came into our home on July 19th, 2006, and you have lived in my heart ever since. I wish that I had known how to be the parent you needed when you lived with us. You have gone through so much in your short life, and you deserve the best. I pray nightly that a loving family with the know-how to help you will soon come into your life. You have so many talents and so much potential, I know you can be spectacular with the right people behind you. Please remember that you are loved, and that you are a very special person. God loves you so much, and so do I. Even though your life may be tough, and things might not always work out the way you want, you have touched many lives, and we all want you to succeed. Smile, sweet Daniel, and never lose hope.
With so much love,
Mom of 5
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
RAD Moms' Bucket List
I love the movie "The Bucket List". The first thing on my bucket list would be to become organized enough to write a bucket list. I guess it's safe to say, my list will never get written. As a RAD mom, I do want to compose a list of things we need to accomplish as a family to reach to goal of being well-adjusted and completely healed. Notice, I did not say "normal." I would assume that some of these goals would be on every RAD family's list, but with RAD, you can never assume!
Act your Age!
RAD kids who are disregulated (having behaviors) function below their age level. E's disregulated behaviors resemble the typical behavior of a two-year-old. I'm not being rude, I'm being real. She throws herself on the floor and screams for up to two hours. She begs, pleads, lies, says hateful things, and loses complete control of herself. When she is building up to an "explosion," she acts much older than she is. She has to control everything. Control is the key for anyone with RAD. She cannot be put in charge of anything. B, C, and A also function below age level, but since they are so young, it is not as noticeable as it is with E. D has physical and mental delays that limit his ability to act his age. In most ways, he functions at the level of a seven-year-old. I cannot do much to change his "age," but I can work to get the other 4 living and thriving at their age level. RAD can be healed. They can act like a child and be healthy, if they act like their chronological age.
Say goodbye to pee!
Urine is something to be controlled. Kids with RAD control where, when, and why they pee. It is so easy to decide how to use it to get the maximum reaction and really "piss" an adult off (pardon the pun. I don't usually use that word, but it seems appropriate here, LOL!) My kids urinate to get attention, teach us a lesson, or let us know they are generally not happy. C was constantly getting out of bed and playing at night. We told him he could not leave his bed for any reason. He went to the bathroom before he laid down and should be able to make it through the night. He was going to teach us!! He just hung it over the side and let it go. We couldn't figure out why the boys' room smelled so awful, until I finally stepped in it. The beds are set up so I rarely walked over to that corner of the room. He had been doing it for weeks. He ended up changing all of the sheets, and cleaning that corner out. Now, he can get up to go to the bathroom in the night, but he likes to use that time to play. Hmmm. Play or pee? I choose "play."
A and B like to use urine to let me know they are not happy. They go to the chill spot, and immediately wet their pants. They get to finish their chilling with wet pants, then change their clothes and mop the whole dining room floor. This behavior is getting a lot less frequent. B decided to use this technique in school, and got what she wanted, attention. "Oh, poor B. Did you have an accident? Here, let me help you." I informed the teacher I was to be called immediately if she did this again. It was not an accident, it was a behavior. She hasn't done this since. I expect we will still have more wetting incidences, but they are atleast, slowing down.
When you feel good, feel good!
Most people love to feel good. We get down-right giddy. RAD kids feel guilty or shameful. They choose the familiar, rather than the positive. Compliments can throw these kids into a full fledged tantrum. Holidays are horrible. My kids spend most of the anticipation time trying to sabotage the activities. I refuse to not celebrate the special occasions, but I have had to tone it down, so to say, just to ease the anxiety associated with such wonderful feelings. Even positve attention, such as hugging and spending quality time together, can be too much for these kids. If I go at my pace, I will scare them and possibly lose them forever. If I go at their pace, we will be going backwards. I need to find that happy medium. We're not there yet, but it's getting closer.
Develop a Conscience
HUGE one. None of my four youngest kids have a conscience. They have never been taught what is right. They do what they want and let the chips fall where they may. They never had consequences. They were beaten, but that didn't change behaviors. M's boyfriends didn't need to have a reason to beat them, so behavior didn't matter. Besides, they were the ones who taught the kids to steal. E is still struggling with stealing. She is just now recognizing that it hurts the person you steal from, and most of all, it hurts God when you steal. We have yet to see one of these kids cry because they feel bad about something they did. They cry because they got caught. They do not posess the capacity to recognize and sympathize with someone else's feelings. They respond with fear or anger, not empathy. We're working on it, but this one seems far off in the future.
I'm sure there are many more goals I can add to this list, but my "thinker" is already asleep and the rest of me is ready to follow. Time to go upstairs and battle the bedbugs for territorial rights to my bed. I'm sure they'll win, but I'm too tired to care. Treatment two on Saturday. How come my kids can be bored as soon as they wake up, and I'd be willing to give my give my right leg for an hour of bliss?
Act your Age!
RAD kids who are disregulated (having behaviors) function below their age level. E's disregulated behaviors resemble the typical behavior of a two-year-old. I'm not being rude, I'm being real. She throws herself on the floor and screams for up to two hours. She begs, pleads, lies, says hateful things, and loses complete control of herself. When she is building up to an "explosion," she acts much older than she is. She has to control everything. Control is the key for anyone with RAD. She cannot be put in charge of anything. B, C, and A also function below age level, but since they are so young, it is not as noticeable as it is with E. D has physical and mental delays that limit his ability to act his age. In most ways, he functions at the level of a seven-year-old. I cannot do much to change his "age," but I can work to get the other 4 living and thriving at their age level. RAD can be healed. They can act like a child and be healthy, if they act like their chronological age.
Say goodbye to pee!
Urine is something to be controlled. Kids with RAD control where, when, and why they pee. It is so easy to decide how to use it to get the maximum reaction and really "piss" an adult off (pardon the pun. I don't usually use that word, but it seems appropriate here, LOL!) My kids urinate to get attention, teach us a lesson, or let us know they are generally not happy. C was constantly getting out of bed and playing at night. We told him he could not leave his bed for any reason. He went to the bathroom before he laid down and should be able to make it through the night. He was going to teach us!! He just hung it over the side and let it go. We couldn't figure out why the boys' room smelled so awful, until I finally stepped in it. The beds are set up so I rarely walked over to that corner of the room. He had been doing it for weeks. He ended up changing all of the sheets, and cleaning that corner out. Now, he can get up to go to the bathroom in the night, but he likes to use that time to play. Hmmm. Play or pee? I choose "play."
A and B like to use urine to let me know they are not happy. They go to the chill spot, and immediately wet their pants. They get to finish their chilling with wet pants, then change their clothes and mop the whole dining room floor. This behavior is getting a lot less frequent. B decided to use this technique in school, and got what she wanted, attention. "Oh, poor B. Did you have an accident? Here, let me help you." I informed the teacher I was to be called immediately if she did this again. It was not an accident, it was a behavior. She hasn't done this since. I expect we will still have more wetting incidences, but they are atleast, slowing down.
When you feel good, feel good!
Most people love to feel good. We get down-right giddy. RAD kids feel guilty or shameful. They choose the familiar, rather than the positive. Compliments can throw these kids into a full fledged tantrum. Holidays are horrible. My kids spend most of the anticipation time trying to sabotage the activities. I refuse to not celebrate the special occasions, but I have had to tone it down, so to say, just to ease the anxiety associated with such wonderful feelings. Even positve attention, such as hugging and spending quality time together, can be too much for these kids. If I go at my pace, I will scare them and possibly lose them forever. If I go at their pace, we will be going backwards. I need to find that happy medium. We're not there yet, but it's getting closer.
Develop a Conscience
HUGE one. None of my four youngest kids have a conscience. They have never been taught what is right. They do what they want and let the chips fall where they may. They never had consequences. They were beaten, but that didn't change behaviors. M's boyfriends didn't need to have a reason to beat them, so behavior didn't matter. Besides, they were the ones who taught the kids to steal. E is still struggling with stealing. She is just now recognizing that it hurts the person you steal from, and most of all, it hurts God when you steal. We have yet to see one of these kids cry because they feel bad about something they did. They cry because they got caught. They do not posess the capacity to recognize and sympathize with someone else's feelings. They respond with fear or anger, not empathy. We're working on it, but this one seems far off in the future.
I'm sure there are many more goals I can add to this list, but my "thinker" is already asleep and the rest of me is ready to follow. Time to go upstairs and battle the bedbugs for territorial rights to my bed. I'm sure they'll win, but I'm too tired to care. Treatment two on Saturday. How come my kids can be bored as soon as they wake up, and I'd be willing to give my give my right leg for an hour of bliss?
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
"Thank You Sir, May I Have Another?"
You know those cheesy, college frat movies where the pledge is being initiated by getting his backside repeatedly hit by one of the upper classmen? They always have to thank the abuser, then ask for more. Of course, I myself would never lower myself to watching such tasteless garbage, but I have heard about it on an occasion or two. Lately, I sure feel like that frat pledge. I get something thrown at me and I say "Thank you" and ask for more. Some of it I bring on myself, but, being a RAD mom, a lot of it just "finds me" and moves in for an extended stay. These past few weeks have brought many "unwelcome guests."
I LOVE the holiday season, starting with Halloween and continuing through New Years. I love to decorate and plan fun activites for this time of year. Unfortunately, other obligations fall upon me at this time of year, too. Most parents consider conferences a minor inconvienience. They want to see how their children are doing, so they take a half hour out of their day to meet with the teachers. I have 4 conferences at 3 different schools with 5 different teachers. It took me 3 hours, not including driving time (one hour) to find out E has not been completing her assignments, and B is having serious self-control issues. D's advisor does not even have him for any classes, and only knows him from her hallway duty. Luckily, I keep in touch with his other teachers at least weekly. I have a party committee to chair, a malfunctioning communication board to get medicaid to pay for, and four assignments to make sure E finishes up. I thought school was for the kids!!
The school nurse called last week saying D was complaining of his head itching. She suggested we treat for lice. Oh, goodie!! I got all of the stuff for his hair, plus a spray for the beds and carpet. Turns out it was not lice. It's bedbugs. My mattress was actually moving when I took the sheets off. I sprayed twice, and now it looks like Gettysburg-- dead, little bodies scattered all over. It takes about 6 weeks to totally get rid of bedbugs. Gee, I had nothing else to do.
B's bio dad was in a serious car accident this past week. I am going on second-hand information, but he apparently broke veterbrae in his neck and back. I do not wish him harm, but I must protect my daughter. She does not ask about him, and has made it very clear that my husband and I are her parents. She is very fragile right now. She has been having behaviors and symptoms that we cannot control. I feel that telling her might be very devestating to her right now, and a visit is completely out of the question. This man gave me an incredible gift, but I must protect that gift, even if it means protecting her from him. This decision is one of the hardest ones I've ever had to make. I just keep praying that God had lead me to the right decision. I also pray that this man will be healed, and that he will see this as a chance to turn his life around.
I have several obligations that I need to complete in the next few weeks. Everyone keeps telling me that my plate is full. My plate is the size of Alaska, and I need sideboards. My four youngest children have a very hard time with the holiday season. They never had much of a Christmas, and the other days were just an excuse to eat a lot and beg for candy. When they came to live with us three years ago, they had never heard "Silent Night," and they had no idea who Baby Jesus was. We have given them traditions, special activities, and decorations galore to share with each other through the years. We have taught then that Jesus is the only gift that matters. We have shared the joy of Christmas Eve Mass, singing every Christmas carol ever written, and read and reread the Nativity in the Gospel of Luke. We spend time with family for Thanksgiving, watch the parades on New Years and Thankgiving and decorate for all of the holidays. They are overwhelmed. They are not comfortable being shown such kindness. We think that they should be thankful to have a family that cares so much, but they have never felt this way, and it is uncomfortable for them. This season, we finally have adopted some parenting techniques that will help us not only survive the holidays, but grow and thrive. Now, all I have to do is learn to say "No!"
I LOVE the holiday season, starting with Halloween and continuing through New Years. I love to decorate and plan fun activites for this time of year. Unfortunately, other obligations fall upon me at this time of year, too. Most parents consider conferences a minor inconvienience. They want to see how their children are doing, so they take a half hour out of their day to meet with the teachers. I have 4 conferences at 3 different schools with 5 different teachers. It took me 3 hours, not including driving time (one hour) to find out E has not been completing her assignments, and B is having serious self-control issues. D's advisor does not even have him for any classes, and only knows him from her hallway duty. Luckily, I keep in touch with his other teachers at least weekly. I have a party committee to chair, a malfunctioning communication board to get medicaid to pay for, and four assignments to make sure E finishes up. I thought school was for the kids!!
The school nurse called last week saying D was complaining of his head itching. She suggested we treat for lice. Oh, goodie!! I got all of the stuff for his hair, plus a spray for the beds and carpet. Turns out it was not lice. It's bedbugs. My mattress was actually moving when I took the sheets off. I sprayed twice, and now it looks like Gettysburg-- dead, little bodies scattered all over. It takes about 6 weeks to totally get rid of bedbugs. Gee, I had nothing else to do.
B's bio dad was in a serious car accident this past week. I am going on second-hand information, but he apparently broke veterbrae in his neck and back. I do not wish him harm, but I must protect my daughter. She does not ask about him, and has made it very clear that my husband and I are her parents. She is very fragile right now. She has been having behaviors and symptoms that we cannot control. I feel that telling her might be very devestating to her right now, and a visit is completely out of the question. This man gave me an incredible gift, but I must protect that gift, even if it means protecting her from him. This decision is one of the hardest ones I've ever had to make. I just keep praying that God had lead me to the right decision. I also pray that this man will be healed, and that he will see this as a chance to turn his life around.
I have several obligations that I need to complete in the next few weeks. Everyone keeps telling me that my plate is full. My plate is the size of Alaska, and I need sideboards. My four youngest children have a very hard time with the holiday season. They never had much of a Christmas, and the other days were just an excuse to eat a lot and beg for candy. When they came to live with us three years ago, they had never heard "Silent Night," and they had no idea who Baby Jesus was. We have given them traditions, special activities, and decorations galore to share with each other through the years. We have taught then that Jesus is the only gift that matters. We have shared the joy of Christmas Eve Mass, singing every Christmas carol ever written, and read and reread the Nativity in the Gospel of Luke. We spend time with family for Thanksgiving, watch the parades on New Years and Thankgiving and decorate for all of the holidays. They are overwhelmed. They are not comfortable being shown such kindness. We think that they should be thankful to have a family that cares so much, but they have never felt this way, and it is uncomfortable for them. This season, we finally have adopted some parenting techniques that will help us not only survive the holidays, but grow and thrive. Now, all I have to do is learn to say "No!"
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