"Let's start at the very begining. It's a very good place to start. When you read you begin with ABC. When you sing you begin with Do Re Mi." Yes, I do randomly break out in song without warning. This time, though, I do have a point. Although, we have just begun our journey toward healing, I have to include some backround of our first few years together, to bring us up to speed to where we are now. I'll probably even include some of what I know of their history with their birth mom. It would just be rude to refer to her as BM, so I will just call her M. Which brings me to the second part of my song reference. Since this is written with the hope that sometime someone will READ this, we begin with ABC. For privacy, I will call my kids A,B,C, D, and E. I could just go down the line, oldest to youngest, but that would be predictable and so unlike me. So-- 12yo boy is D, 10yo girl is E, 5yo girl is B, 4yo boy is C, and 3yo girl is A.
B and C were placed with us first. B was almost 3 and said 6 words. She was very clingy, but when given time to get to know someone, she was very aggressive. She purposely broke every toy she touched. She had a sore that she scratched open that had become infected. M said it was over a month old. She banged her head repeatedly, and violently hit and bit herself when she was angry. She "stole" food from the table and hid it in the house so she could eat it later. She ate with her hands, was deathly afraid of bugs, and ingested every bodily secretion she could. She also NEVER slept. We could walk into her room at any time and find her awake.
C was a tiny, one and a half year old boy. He did not talk at all. From the moment he came through our door, he clung to me. He whined incessently. He was afraid of anyone and everything. He also hoarded food to eat later, or he "pocketed" it in his cheeks. He was also destructive to his toys, and would rip any book that got into his tiny hands. He barely cried when angry, and had few sleeping issues, aside from adjusting to sleeping in an actual crib. Other than diapers, clothes were not worn in their privious environment. They both hated water, and bathtime was a battle. They were never disiplined, so "no" fell on deaf ears.
As I read back through this, I wonder why we kept these kids, much less, fought very hard to get their two sisters placed in our home, too. Okay, they were cute, and funny, and when they did learn to talk, they said the most amazing things. I fell in love the moment I saw them.
When A and E were finally placed in our home, it was A who had the hardest time. She was 11 months old. At M's house, she was in her car seat most of the time. At the former foster home, she was either held or fed. When she came to us, her needs were met, she was showered with love, and she got to play with her siblings. She was not held ALL of the time, and she was fed when the other kids ate. She weighed more than her 3 year old sister, and was the most unhappy child I had ever encountered. We took lots of pictures, and we do not have any of her smiling. She screamed for hours and wanted to be held and carried, not cuddled and loved. She crawled very little at 11 months, and did not walk until she was 13 months old.
E gave us a three month "honeymoon" period. She was helpful, attentive to her siblings, eager to please at home and school, and never once talked back. Turns out, she's a major manipulator. She is an expert at being "superficially charming." She turns on the charm, then does all of these horrible things behind your back. We knew right away she had control and attention seeking issues. We never figured her for a thief and a liar. Unfortunately, when we did catch on to what she was doing, no one would support us. The school was downright rude. This sweet, attentive child could not possibly be capable of all of those horrible things, I was just a "nazi" mom. She did end up showing her true colors to her teacher this year. Best thing that could have happened. She knew the whole faculty was on to her, including the superintendant. She gave us about a week of rebellion, then seemed to settle down. We'll she how she does when she's home all the time. School lets out tomorrow.
I plan to write specific incidences, but it has taken me three days to get this post completed, so it will have to wait. I had cateract surgery today, and I'm beat. Great to be able to see so well already. I wonder-- do the eyes in the back of my head have cateracts?
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